Sorted out my thoughts (a bit) over the past few days.. Now I'm here with a new set of beliefs and goals. Previously my goals were partially there just to mimic Dennis, but I guess its time I become myself again.

Beliefs
1. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
2. Know what you want, and just do it.
3. I decide how I want MY life to be like.
4. We are Male by birth, but Man by choice.

The first 2 are beliefs that make me more confident and just do what I want and stop shunning away from people. The 3rd one is to motivate me to mug more and get the grades and goals I want, as well as stop wasting my life away being a person with no confidence.

The 4th one, my favourite belief came from XinHong 2 years ago. A boy is a male, a guy is a male, a man is a male; but what sets them apart is their thinking -- their maturity. You can have a 40-year-old male behaving childishly like a kid. You can have a 10-year-old male who knows what is right and wrong, and what he wants in life. Yes, we are male by birth, but what is our mindset? Do we still think like a young kid, or do we have the right set of thinking that can guide us in life and achieve great things?

And like Joshua, at 17, I want to be a Man.

Goals
1. Get into RJMEP.
Still unchanged, but this time I'm more confident about it, because I'm not the old Hong Rui anymore and also thanks to Jane Foo, a J3 MEPper for giving me that ray of light.

1b. Do well for Promos and take Music H3.
Well this partially depends on the first goal, but the promos part remains the same. I just want to do my best and overcome myself, no point comparing marks and competing with Dennis anymore, it's me who I need to beat. After all our grades at the end of 2 years will be the same straight As =D (And I'll have one more than him cos of Chinese haha)

2. Get into RJCE Exco.
I'm already in RJCE =D Apparently everyone who auditioned got in, so no surprise there haha. But the new HongRui now is someone who wants to come up and lead, and while he will be supporting Dennis in his bid for Council, he will be trying hard to get himself into the Exco for RJCE, and preferably the top 2 positions. And this time, HE WILL NOT SCREW UP HIS ELECTION SPEECH DUE TO NERVOUSNESS.

3. Get into SNYO.
Haha apparently I missed the Jan 17 audition, so the next one comes only at 18 April. But at that time, my unstable Haydn in C should be in tip-top form, and this time I'll be smarter and practise the first 2 pages more because everyone else who used this piece for audition got stopped right after the first solo extract =P (I myself kena-ed it twice).

4. Do my Piano ATCL at the end of the year and Pass it.
Looks quite straightforward, just that I need to finish learning all my pieces by May and spend the remaining 6 months refining it. And that means lots of practice and practice!

5. Get an "A" for PW.
Its the only exam that will directly affect your A-level grades okay? And HongRui is now more confident in speaking up and working as a group.

6. Get an "A" for Chinese, coupled with a Dean's list (:
Yes, I'm retaking due to my terrible B4 grade. But my Chinese standard originally is already not bad, just that last year I was terribly lazy, and this year I'm a changed person. Get that "A" for Chinese, that Dean's list and get over with it.

7. Get Gold for NAPFA.
After 2 consecutive Golds in sec 2 and 3, I took a break and failed my sec 4. But its not impossible okay, and I must get my Gold back again =D Main motivation behind this is that my YOUNGER brother can already do one pull-up and I still can't. YET.

Resolutions
1. Conquer Glossophobia and stage fright.
So that I will never screw up another speech or performance because I was too nervous, but rather because I was not prepared enough.

2. And to avoid that, practise piano and cello frequently.
Like everyday =D So that my fingers will not collapse and blisters start sprouting everywhere when I go into hardcore practise mode before an audition/exam/performance.

3. Mug consistently too.
Similar to practising cello and piano, I got to mug consistently too. Term 3 was a darn late time to start last year >.<

4. Don't procrastinate
My second biggest fault other than low-self esteem.

5. And lastly, be a more confident person with a high-self esteem. =D

Thanks everyone who have been around supporting and encouraging me, including Jane, Joshua, JingHui and especially Dennis and Laiweng. Thanks a lot guys! :) All the best to everyone in the new year ahead.