DDSSD :'(
I'm really glad for all my friends who reaped stellar results, like benni who topped techniques, yinger micht and dennis who finally finally got their A for music, Alastair who fulfilled his promise of getting 3H2 As and a pass in Econs (in the process improving his Chem grade from U to A), and of course Dennis again for his stunningly obscene grades.
I'm really filled with pride and happiness for these friends, especially the ones who got their long-coveted A for music, but no doubt my heart is also mixed with a tinge of envy and 不甘愿ness. I did improve in every single subject, even for music (before the 40% deduction), but apparently its still not good enough.
I dreamed about Mrs Chee a few nights ago. It seemed like a Deja Vu moment. I was appealing to take music as a subject even though I failed the placement test, and she warned me that I was very disadvantaged and it will be very hard for me if I am really going to take it. She told me that everyone enters RJ expecting to leave with 4As, but I might not get that for music but I promised her that I will work very hard and do my best.
I think it was my promise to her and her presence that made me so determined to do well. Looking back at it now, in J1 I was everything, but in J2, I was nothing. And right now, Compo portfolio is due in 1 week and I still have 3 techniques undone and many more to record and edit.
My grades are equally obscene in a different way, and I really need to mug. And everyone is mugging but I still need to do techniques. And I can definitely do without my mum breathing down my neck 24/7 and adding on to my pent-up frustrations. Every time I see my grandpa, I get reminded of the 7As I'm supposed to achieve. Sometimes I just want to run away from home and sit somewhere quiet to compose but it doesn't help that my Zheng resides proudly in my mum's room and it is practically unportable.
Occasionally when I enter the kitchen, I can't help but notice the open window and wonder what happens if I just... let everything end? I quickly dismiss the thought, but I find it quite scary that I actually thought of it in the first place. The music teachers won't be around for the entire next week, and so I'm all alone on my own. 7 days, 5 recordings, 3 techniques, 1 compo portfolio. Can I finish it? Or will it finish me?
I'm really filled with pride and happiness for these friends, especially the ones who got their long-coveted A for music, but no doubt my heart is also mixed with a tinge of envy and 不甘愿ness. I did improve in every single subject, even for music (before the 40% deduction), but apparently its still not good enough.
I dreamed about Mrs Chee a few nights ago. It seemed like a Deja Vu moment. I was appealing to take music as a subject even though I failed the placement test, and she warned me that I was very disadvantaged and it will be very hard for me if I am really going to take it. She told me that everyone enters RJ expecting to leave with 4As, but I might not get that for music but I promised her that I will work very hard and do my best.
I think it was my promise to her and her presence that made me so determined to do well. Looking back at it now, in J1 I was everything, but in J2, I was nothing. And right now, Compo portfolio is due in 1 week and I still have 3 techniques undone and many more to record and edit.
My grades are equally obscene in a different way, and I really need to mug. And everyone is mugging but I still need to do techniques. And I can definitely do without my mum breathing down my neck 24/7 and adding on to my pent-up frustrations. Every time I see my grandpa, I get reminded of the 7As I'm supposed to achieve. Sometimes I just want to run away from home and sit somewhere quiet to compose but it doesn't help that my Zheng resides proudly in my mum's room and it is practically unportable.
Occasionally when I enter the kitchen, I can't help but notice the open window and wonder what happens if I just... let everything end? I quickly dismiss the thought, but I find it quite scary that I actually thought of it in the first place. The music teachers won't be around for the entire next week, and so I'm all alone on my own. 7 days, 5 recordings, 3 techniques, 1 compo portfolio. Can I finish it? Or will it finish me?
posted by hongrui at
10/03/2010 09:34:00 AM
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